TW: Domestic Violence / Abuse, Murder and Suicide
This blog post was written in memory of Gabby Petito. To find out more about her heartbreaking story and how you can fight for change, visit: https://gabbypetitofoundation.org
I’m sure you’ve heard her name. Gabby Petito. Her story a current trending topic, thanks to the Netflix documentary that has come out. Her story that has stuck with me since 2021 when we were first introduced to the tragedy.
Whilst on a trip with her fiancé, he murdered her and then ended his own life shortly after. She had dreams of becoming a travel influencer, passionate about her van-life. Due to the heinous crime committed by her partner, Brian Laundrie, she was only able to post one vlog, albeit a beautiful portrayal of her love for life. One that I urge you to watch here: https://youtu.be/2PStpXFEfIs?si=eilH5Mhw0Ye_YzkQ
Days before her murder, the police were called after reports of Brian physically assaulting Gabby. Despite this, police failed her.
Gabby’s case is a textbook example of how institutions fail women. In bodycam footage from the police stop in Moab, Utah, Gabby is visibly distressed, crying, and explaining how Brian had grabbed her face. Instead of recognising the classic signs of abuse, officers focused on the fact that she had scratched Brian—completely disregarding the power imbalance and context of the situation. She was apologising, a common reaction for abuse victims who are conditioned to take the blame.
Police ultimately let them go, and not long after, Gabby was dead.
Her death sparked international outrage, yet little has changed. Even after her murder, many people fixated on her “unstable” behaviour in the footage rather than acknowledging that she was a victim of coercive control. Studies show that police often misidentify the victim in domestic disputes, leading to further harm. A report by the Centre for Women’s Justice found that 57% of women arrested for domestic abuse in the UK were actually victims defending themselves.
Despite the heartbreaking outcome of her case, Gabby’s story has inspired countless individuals to leave their abuser. To get help. To avoid becoming another sad statistic. I’d argue that’s rather beautiful, something that matches Gabby’s pure, kind-hearted energy. Saving and bringing love to people even after she had left the earth.
Let’s get one thing straight—domestic violence against women is a crisis, and yet, society still refuses to take it seriously. Women are being abused, ignored, disbelieved, and even killed while the system meant to protect them shrugs its shoulders. Why? Because deep down, we still live in a world that values men’s reputations over women’s safety.
People love to ask, “Why didn’t she just leave?” as if escaping an abuser is as simple as walking out the door.
Here’s the reality: women don’t report domestic violence for a long list of reasons, most of which stem from the fact that they KNOW they won’t be taken seriously.
They’re afraid of not being believed. Many women who come forward with allegations of abuse are met with scepticism, dismissed as “dramatic” or “attention-seeking.”
The police often fail them. In the UK, fewer than 6% of domestic abuse-related crimes result in a charge (Women’s Aid). How’s that for justice?
Financial dependence and fear of homelessness. Women often stay because they have nowhere else to go, especially if they have children.
The risk of escalating violence. Leaving an abuser is statistically the most dangerous time for a woman. In England and Wales, on average, two women a week are murdered by a current or former partner (Office for National Statistics, 2023).
The legal system is stacked against them. Restraining orders are often just pieces of paper. How many times have we heard of women being killed despite having sought legal protection?
There are countless cases that prove how useless the system is. Just one example, Shana Grice, a 19-year-old woman who reported her ex-boyfriend’s stalking to the police multiple times. Instead of protecting her, they fined HER for wasting police time. He later slit her throat in her own home.
We live in a world where women are told to carry keys between their fingers, download safety apps, and “just leave” abusive relationships, all while abusers walk free. Instead of telling women how to avoid being killed, maybe we should focus on stopping the men who are killing them.
The statistics on domestic violence paint a horrifying picture:
1 in 4 women in the UK will experience domestic abuse in their lifetime (ONS, 2023).
85% of victims of domestic abuse seek help five times before they get support (SafeLives, 2022).
30% of domestic abuse victims are turned away from refuges due to lack of space and funding (Women's Aid).
Women are three times more likely to be killed by an abusive partner in the first three months after leaving (Femicide Census, 2023).
These numbers are not just statistics; they are real women who should still be alive today.
What needs to change?
Harsher punishments for domestic abusers – no more slaps on the wrist.
Police reform – officers must be properly trained to handle domestic violence cases with the seriousness they deserve.
More funding for women’s shelters – because no woman should have to stay with an abuser because she has nowhere else to go.
Believe women. Full stop.
Women shouldn’t have to be murdered for people to start caring. But here we are, still screaming into the void while the system fails us again and again.
So, thank you, Gabby. Thank you to her beautiful family for fighting every day in her name. Gabby inspires me to continue fighting for justice, giving a voice to those who may not have one.
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